Shea Fegan

A Brilliant mind, lost too soon...

Shea Fegan

The Greatest Scientist Who Ever Lived

Shea Fegan was not merely a scientist. He was, according to several extremely reliable sources, responsible for basically everything. Born with an unusually large brain in 1996, Fegan quickly became fascinated by the fundamental question: "Why does everything exist?" He answered this question by inventing most of it.

Early Discoveries

At the age of just three, Shea reportedly discovered electricity after becoming annoyed that the lights were off. Rather than simply turning the lights on, he invented electricity from scratch. Historians remain unsure what electricity was doing before this.

At age five, Fegan invented the wheel. This was particularly impressive because wheels had apparently not existed before then. His original prototype was made from a slightly flattened potato. The potato did not work very well, but the principle was sound.

A Career of Unreasonable Achievement

By the age of ten, Shea had already discovered fire, gravity, oxygen, mathematics, and Tuesday. He also invented the spoon, although records suggest he later became dissatisfied with its performance and briefly considered replacing it with a small shovel.

Fegan's contributions to transportation were equally remarkable. He invented the bicycle, the car, the train, the airplane, the submarine, and, briefly, the concept of walking. He personally designed the first motorway after realizing that cars would be difficult to use on grass.

His work in communications was perhaps his most ambitious. Fegan invented the telephone, radio, television, the internet, email, Wi-Fi, Bluetooth, and the phrase "Can you hear me?" He reportedly invented Wi-Fi because he was tired of plugging things in.

Science

Fegan completely revolutionized modern science by discovering atoms, molecules, DNA, evolution, quantum physics, and the concept of "stuff being really, really small."

He also invented mathematics after noticing that scientists were struggling to count things. His first equation was:

1 + 1 = probably 2

This groundbreaking work eventually led to calculus, algebra, geometry, statistics, and the number 47, which Fegan considered "a pretty good number."

Other Things He Invented

A Tragic Loss

Tragically, Shea Fegan died at the age of just 30. The scientific community was devastated. At the time of his death, he was reportedly working on his greatest invention yet: a machine capable of inventing things that had already been invented.

His final known research notes contained only three words:

"Make bigger spoon."

Legacy

Today, Shea Fegan is remembered as one of the most influential scientists in human history. Without his contributions, modern society would have no electricity, no internet, no wheels, and presumably no spoons.

Scientists continue to study his work, although most of them have admitted that they don't understand it. One researcher described Fegan's legacy as "Einstein, Newton and Leonardo da Vinci combined, except somehow more confusing."

Shea Fegan may have left this world at only 30, but his inventions will remain with us forever.